As Time Goes By.....

You MUST remember this......

December 12th, 1984.  Your mum and Joy came up with you by train from Bristol.  Dad took a little time off for lunch and then drove us over to Hemel Hempstead Registry Office....

You remember?

This was you, Amanda, when you were little....  Way before I knew you.  Cheeky thing!

And still those cheeky eyes, years later.  Where was this one taken?  Ponza?  Giglio?  Even I don't remember where this was.....

But I remember this one.  Almost our first meeting.  I think it may have been your birthday.  So March 5th, 1979, or 1980, perhaps?  In the garden of your little flat in Via Livenza, in Rome?  And look, there's Effie and Nicola, and Chris Warde-Jones in the background.....

And then we went for a Christmas holiday to Greece, staying on Syros, but stopping for a while in Athens.....  At least I think this was Athens.  I recognise your jacket.  Do you remember my cords?

Then we really got together, and moved out to Trevignano Romano, to the van Kessels' villa, in Il Quadrifoglio, and bought our first little car, a red Renault 4.....

And drank lovely Tuscan wine, from Vincenzo at Val di Cava, Montalcino, and laughed so!

And looked after the cats, with Bear, and Monks.....

And in the summer we swam in the pool, or in Lake Bracciano, and sat in the garden by the palm tree in the sun.....

You must remember this 

A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh. 

The fundamental things apply 

As time goes by.

And then, in those long summer holidays, we tootled about France with our tent, feasting on tinned cassoulet and baguettes.....

And then what happened?  We tied the knot!  That's what happened next....

And when two lovers woo 

They still say, "I love you." 

On that you can rely 

No matter what the future brings 

As time goes by.

And flew off to darkest Peru, to Lima, and Machu Picchu, for our funnymoon. moneymoon....honeyspoons......  What larks!

Moonlight and love songs 

Never out of date. 

Hearts full of passion 

Jealousy and hate. 

Woman needs man 

And man must have his mate 

That no one can deny.

And then, in the wink of an eye, we were three, then four, and now look at our girls!  Hannah, and Sarah.  Where did the time go?

And do you remember this?  May 19th, earlier this year?  A really lovely day!  When Hannah got married to Cameron?

And then this morning, a bright December morning, with frost on the ground, we walked out on Nomansland Common.  You must remember this....?

Look at us now!  Look how we've matured?  Is that the right word?  Like wine, we've aged.....  (Though maybe I am corked?)

It's still the same old story 

A fight for love and glory 

A case of do or die. 

The world will always welcome lovers 

As time goes by.

Fond memories.....

Happy Anniversary, little one!

As Time Goes By......

(music and words by Herman Hupfeld)

In support of 

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/

Memory walking for dementia awareness

Down where the spirit meets the bone....

Lucinda Williams is a much lauded star of Americana, though her recent tour of the UK only improved on Elvis Presley by three dates (one of which was Bexhill-on-Sea). Despite that I found myself at the front barrier of the Shepherds Bush Empire stalls on Sunday September 3^rd armed with my iPhone and an enthusiasm for her songs, eagerly recognising tracks which are now embedded in a certain American psyche – though not, perhaps, that of the current presidency….

Lucinda was born in 1953, two years after her parents married.  Afflicted, but not destroyed, by her father’s spina bifida, she rose gradually through the ranks of would-be singer/songwriters to become award winning and celebrated, with the continuing support, on stage and off, of her father, the poet and academic, Miller Williams. 

Miller Williams was a poet who championed the power of everyday language and who delivered a poem (Of History and Hope from Some Jazz A While) at the Capitol for President Bill Clinton’s second inauguration

We have memorized America,

how it was born and who we have been and where.

In ceremonies and silence we say the words,

telling the stories, singing the old songs.

We like the places they take us. Mostly we do……

If we can truly remember, they will not forget.

Tall and thin, Mr. Williams was also economical of speech, but he loved to tell stories. He was admired in literary circles for his direct, plain-spoken style.

According to his obituary in the New York Times, he was a workhorse, publishing 37 books of poetry and prose, both of his own and of others in translation.  He taught at the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville for more than three decades and was the founding director of the University of Arkansas Press. His home there was a salon for writers and others, with a guest bedroom that hosted both the hard-bitten poet Charles Bukowski and Jimmy Carter.

He died on Thursday January 1^st 2015 in Fayetteville, Ark. He was 84.

The cause was complications of Alzheimer’s disease.

Which led to Lucinda’s poignant song, If My Love Could Kill which she performs at Shepherds Bush, noting that it was for her father.

Not everyone realises that Alzheimer’s disease is a death sentence.  And, quite understandably, many people are unaware of the various other forms of dementia, all of which lead the same way, even though, as a representative of the Alzheimer’s Society said to me the other day: we have a saying; if you meet one person with dementia, you have met one person with dementia….

Today, one week later, my daughter Hannah and I help marshal 4,000 people walk 9.5 kilometres through London raising money for research into and awareness of Dementia. 

This Memory Walk is a moving event, as almost everyone is walking in memory of a loved one who has suffered and died from Alzheimer’s disease, or another variety of dementia, such as my wife Amanda’s Frontotemporal  Semantic Dementia.
  

Memory Walk is a sponsored walk for all ages and abilities to unite together to raise money to defeat dementia. The walks are spread across England, Wales and Northern Ireland and each walk will take on a different route through either a city, woodlands or a park; as of today there are still 26 walks to take place this year.  In Scotland there 13 organised walks still to happen.

This year over 110,000 people will walk united, against dementia. The aim is to raise over £9 million. 

We meet in early morning sunshine at the Honourable Artillery Company, just off Finsbury Pavement near Moorgate station in east London.  The volunteers are briefed and we set off for our Marshal Points as the first walkers arrive wearing blue tee shirts, or, in some cases, custom-printed tops.  

Despite the awfulness of this stealthy, miserable condition, the mood here is upbeat, and families, friends, and individuals mill around exchanging stories, writing cards for the Memory Tree, or just enjoying the event.

Hannah and I are stationed just near the approach to Tower Bridge, close by the Tower of London, around the half way mark.  Over the best part of a couple of hours thousands of people pass by: people of all ages; people of different ethnic or religious backgrounds; people with red hats.....

people with children in pushchairs; people with friends or relatives in wheelchairs; people who struggle up the steps, and people who are fit and healthy, who offer sweets to marshals.....  

Almost everyone displays a card, showing a message or a name: walking for Nanny Bobby; Grandad H; Daddy – Donovan Benjamin..... 

This gentleman is walking for Gwendoline Joyce.  She was his wife of 59 years.  She died in June.  Towards the end she weighed 40 kilograms, and couldn’t eat, as she couldn’t open her teeth.

However, despite.....  it is a marvellous day.  There is so much love about.  The fund-raising is brilliant, but the real power is in the togetherness of people who have suffered loss and pain, but who survive and share.  

The walkers all pass by, and the clouds gather.  A light rain starts to fall.  Hannah and I return to her new (just moving in....) flat in Kentish Town, where Amanda sits by the bricked up fireplace.

The title of Lucinda Williams’s most recent album, Down Where the Spirit Meets the Bone, is a slightly altered line from one of her father’s poems, which reads in its entirety:

Have compassion for everyone you meet,

even if they don’t want it. What seems conceit,

bad manners, or cynicism is always a sign

of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen.

You do not know what wars are going on

down there where the spirit meets the bone.

The South Downs Way

What is this life? 

Leisure

WHAT is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare?—

No time to stand beneath the boughs,

And stare as long as sheep and cows:

W H Davies

I have been away.  Wandering the hills of my past.

And while I was away, Amanda had two cheques returned as she had changed the dates from 2016 to 2017 without initialling the changes and the bank had rejected them.  I tried to explain that all she had to do was to write her initials by the changes and return the cheques.  But this was hard for her to understand.  As I repeatedly tried to explain, show, clarify, demonstrate, elucidate, unravel and decode the simple addition of a signature or initials to each cheque next to the offending correction, she, and I, became increasingly frustrated, which rather spoiled our morning…..

This, sadly, is what dementia does.

This, sadly, is why I have been away, as in my absence I have walked the 100 mile South Downs Way, from Winchester to Eastbourne - which includes  4,150 metres (13,620 feet) of ascent and descent (not including leaving the way to find accommodation or sustenance).  And I have walked this way, in the company of Ken, my Glaswegian friend and pace-setter, as a challenge to inspire friends and others to contribute to Alzheimer’s Society, to fund research into the various forms of dementia (including frontotemporal  https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20007/types_of_dementia/11/frontotemporal_dementia which affects Amanda in the form of semantic dementia).  And, to make it a challenge worth supporting, or so I was advised, we did this in 5 days.

The norm, is, according to many reliable sources, ten to twelve walking days, which makes a lot of sense, as then you would have leisure to appreciate the scenery, to duck the storms, to lunch in rustic pub gardens, visit friends along the route and explore the villages, churches and castles that lie so temptingly near the feet of these rolling hills.

Alas, five days means no time to stop and stare.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

We stayed Sunday night in Winchester, hard by the house where Jane Austen died.  I hoped this was not an omen, and when the chef did not appear to cook breakfast at the Wykeham Arms I breathed more easily, suspecting we had been spared for the moment.  

Then,  having whispered a prayer in the glorious Cathedral,

and raised our swords to mighty King Alfred, we set off.

The first day’s walking took us out across the streaming M3 and into rural Hampshire.  We passed through the village of Exton and then climbed Old Winchester Hill, which is topped by a magnificent Iron Age fort and is a Site of Special Scientific Interest.  It was breezy and fine, and the views southwards towards my birthplace at Portsmouth were breathtaking.

We then dropped down and left the trail to find our first night’s accommodation which was just out of the picturesque village of East Meon.  We dined at Ye Olde George Inn, and, as our hostess was unwell we breakfasted there as well, which was lovely, and then rejoined the way.

Up on the chalk downs there is a real sense of being away from it all.  From some of the highest viewpoints there are views of distant conurbations, such as Worthing, Brighton, and Newhaven, but much of the time we are enveloped in the English countryside, mostly tilled and trimmed by centuries of agriculture, though there are also woodlands and open grassy areas. 

For about ten thousand years people have travelled these paths, and in places have left their traces in burial mounds or fortified enclosures.  Villages have ancient churches, some with Saxon or Norman origins; ruined castles, such as that at Bramber, and timber frame farmhouses, hold stories of the changes of our social and political past.

Unfortunately we have no time to stand and stare, so all the landscape and human endeavour and natural beauty and local interest begins to blur as we tread on, mile after mile, marching left, right, left, right, left…… left, and then skipping to the deuced rhythm of I had a good job when I left, but it served me jolly well right!  that I learned from Mary on the roads near Little Weighton.  The surface is dry, and hard, and feet and legs start to resist and react, though, fortunately, neither of us blister or cramp….

Night follows day; the thrush whistles out the light, and the robin starts us off again.  Day follows day.  Mile after mile.  I think of Harold’s army, trudging south to Pevensey from their northern actions, when the 200 miles between London and York or vice versa usually took two weeks;  in 1066 the Saxons managed 22 to 25 miles a day on the way to Stamford Bridge and then, having withstood Harald Hardrada, they had to return to face William of Normandy…..

Though the way is quiet at this time of year, and we find immense bubbles of time when we are alone but for the sharp reprimands of birds who wish us away, we do meet fellow travellers.  Some, in flashes of youthful energy, or attempts to reclaim such, speed past, their lycra shimmering against the natural dyes of the hedgerows.  Others, like Frank, sprawl comfortably on a bank to rest the feet, while attempting to phone ahead for a camp site. 

Frank - at ease with sore feet and a forty pound pack.

Everywhere, everyone, is kindness.  We hear no talk of elections, nor referenda.  When hosts and fellow walkers alike find we are walking for charity, their instinct is to donate. 

Rebecca and Lesley, at Ditchling Beacon

We swap tales with hosts and companions, and at times enlist the support of sundry walkers to snap our tee shirts. 

Chris, from Kew.  Walking in absentia.

Chris, who is free to roam the national trails in his mid seventies since his beloved wife died of cancer four years ago, warns us of the ups and downs of the seven sisters.  

Andrew - at one with the landscape.

Andrew, whose roots lie in the local chalk, has been exercising on these hills all his life. 

Anna - the key to the future.

Anna, who is scouting for locations for commercial shoots frames us against a view of Eastbourne, such as my mother might recognise from the war, were it not for the carbuncular block of flats between us and the pier.

The way has touched a few historical nerves for me.  The distant sight of Portsmouth, not only reminds me of the days when as a child I watched Russian ships docking from our High Street flat, but also recalls our wedding, when Amanda and I visited David, the then Dean of Portsmouth, to finalise arrangements.  Later on signposts for Haywards Heath and Burgess Hill take me back to my father’s parents, and their haunts.  At the end of the trail we are not far from where my mother’s mother lived at the start of the war, and where my mother served in the WAAF, in mission control, plotting the whereabouts of Bomber Command.

And, poignantly, we reach Beachy Head with helicopters and emergency services in peak action, scouring the sea at the shoreline, and driving iron stakes into the cliff top to secure abseil ropes.  It was here a little less than twenty years ago that my little cousin Isobel found her peace, and all the activity is something of a shock after the days of quiet walking.  A paramedic asks if I am all right, a kind but somehow bittersweet enquiry.  I stumble over Edgar’s words to his blinded father in Act 4, scene 6, of King Lear:

Come on, sir; here's the place: stand still. How fearful

And dizzy 'tis, to cast one's eyes so low!

The crows and choughs that wing the midway air

Show scarce so gross as beetles…..

And he concludes, as I would:

I'll look no more;

Lest my brain turn, and the deficient sight

Topple down headlong.

More recently Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy commemorated this place neatly in White Cliffs:

Worth their salt, England's white cliffs;

And rounded her ode with:

in painting, poem, play, in song;

something fair and strong implied in

chalk,

what we might wish ourselves.

Stretched, strained, cramped and stiff we pass on and reach the 100^th milestone at the edge of town.  A pint of Harvey’s Best in the busy Pilot Inn, and then a lift to our resting place, and we enter our recovery period. 

Back to civilisation - the view of Eastbourne Pier from our hotel window.....

With the joy of retrospect it has been a wonderful walk.  A hundred miles of the best of England’s chalk lands, hills blest with lark song and butterfly dust.  And, with the ever-surprising support of friends and acquaintances from the now and the then (even some of my students from forty or so years ago!) we have been walking at a rate of at least £40 per mile, totally over £4,000, (and perhaps yet more?) raised in support of Alzheimer’s Society.

Thank you Ken, for your patience and pace.  Thank you Penny for seeing us to the start and collecting us at the finish.  Thank you all who have contributed to the funds which I hope may eventually result in managing or even curing this strange blight on our minds we call dementia.

And thank you Amanda for everything:

Perverse and foolish oft I strayed,

But yet in love he sought me,

And on his shoulder gently laid,

And home, rejoicing, brought me.

Psalm 23

I am home now, resting and recovering.  It was a challenge, but it was great.  I loved the open skies and grassy folds.  It was really worth it.

This trek was organised by Paul Allshire of Discovery Walking, to whom we also owe much gratitude, at  www.southdownsdiscovery.com

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

W H Davies

And, having read this piece, should you wish to contribute to Alzheimer’s Society,

please go to:

www.justgiving.com/Richard-GIBBS5

In Memoriam

Isobel Alice Olivia Baker

1964 - 1998