And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains, but have not charity, I am nothing.....
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| Deathbed |
I have said much of this before.... I have wrought my emotions to the core. My grief, my sorrow, my sense of loss and all that have been offered to my friends, and I know that life has to go on, and that everyone else has their stories, their loneliness, their pain.....
When you read this, I may be near Oxford, or in Oxford, or at home.... My intended walk from the source of the Thames into and around the city of Oxford may have happened, or perhaps may have been aborted, though the intention was always there....
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| Sarah, Amanda, Hannah |
[And the intention was/is? Ed]
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| Laste in the day |
Despite some health problems, and with three score and fifteen years on my back, my intention was to walk a mile for every year my late wife Amanda (nearly) lived, and, with enormous gratitude to my close friend (who assisted and encouraged the project), it seemed opportune to walk the Thames Path from the source to approximately Oxford.....
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Monte Amiata, some thirty years ago |
Amanda was my world, and is still there in my life and very much in the lives of our daughters, Hannah and Sarah. She was a sweet, caring person, loved by all she met, and could not have been a better mother and wife. She was never ill, and lived what can only be categorised as a healthy life.
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| Monte Amiata, about forty years ago |
Sadly, in her mid fifties, something went wrong, and she was afflicted by what was eventually diagnosed as Frontotemporal Dementia (Semantic Variant).
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| In the Abbruzzi, when all was well |
Little did we realise, then, what this meant, so gradual was the decline, but now we look back and think of our past:
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| Our wedding day with the Clifton Suspension Bridge behind us |
The girl I didn't even know:
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| With Vidal Sassoon in Rome |
Was to become my partner, my wife, the mother of our children, and my companion until death us did part.....
And there you go....
From this:
To this:
In the wink of an eye, without so much as a 'scuse me..... Here we are, in Italy, knowing that things weren't right:
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Beginning that slow slide towards oblivion that some call retirement.....
And then, moments later, you are wondering what happened, why you cannot understand each other, where the time went, how a loving god could be so cruel.....
Don't get me wrong. Amanda was lovely to the very end. She knew things were falling apart, but she didn't complain. She faced the awful loss of language and control and independence, and the loss of all that went with the life she had had a right to expect, and she folded down, rather as a bright and happy birthday balloon will do when it is spent....
Gradually, almost gently, falling apart before our eyes.
A terrifying decline for a sentient being. From mother and lover, to incontinent child.....
Needing to be wheeled from flower to flower:
And then looking at you, incapable of speech, her eyes crying out for mercy, for understanding, for peace......
This is why, in my madness and in my own decline, I am hoping that when you read this I may have walked some sixty or seventy miles of the Thames Path. I want to draw your attention to how lives can be affected by the stealthy creep of dementia. I am not competing with anyone. I know there are thousands of worthy charities out there that cry out for support. I know that many people in many parts of the world are suffering at this moment with the pains of war, the terrors of political repression, the horrors of starvation and disease.
My story is nothing.....
But it is my story.
Should you wish to know more about the National Brain Appeal (which provides much-needed funds to support The National Hospital for Neurology & Neurosurgery and the UCL Queen Square Institute of Neurology – together known as Queen Square. This is one of the world’s leading centres for the diagnosis, treatment and care of patients with neurological and neuromuscular conditions. These include stroke, multiple sclerosis, brain cancer, epilepsy, Parkinson’s disease, and dementia) please see:
And should you wish to support me and my family, and help others in the long term, then please click on this link:
******
Dedicated to Amanda and to Hannah and to Sarah
And also to my friend, who is helping me through all this, her life having been similarly affected
*****
PS, from "Your Local Paper", May 13th 2026:
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