Good news from Aix....

Last tango in Aachen

History does not record whether Charlemagne (aka Karl der Große, Karel de Grote, Carolus magnus rex, et al) was a Hoofer, nor whether he spent his weekends Jack Palancing, but, 1212 years after his death (at the age of 66), his capital city is alive with the shuffle of kicking and prancing.....

As you can see, I am a little clunky....

But after a few partners, I begin to get the hang of it, and almost only one of my feet is left....

But that's a digression.... Here I was in Aachen, whose name, according to Wiki, is a modern descendant, like southern German Ach(e), German: Aach, meaning river or stream, from Old High German ahha, [Pace, Alan Partridge - Ed.] meaning water or stream, which directly translates (and etymologically corresponds) to Latin Aquae, referring to the local mineral springs, which figures in Aachen's Roman name Aquae granni, which meant waters of Grannus, referring to the Celtic god of healing who was worshipped at the springs. This word became Åxhe in Walloon and Aix in French, and subsequently Aix-la-Chapelle to distinguish it from Aix-en-Provence after Charlemagne had his palatine chapel built there in the late 8th century and then made the city his empire's capital.

[So now you know - Ed.]

Robert Browning had a thing or two to say (about this and that....):

How they Brought the Good News from Ghent to Aix

I SPRANG to the stirrup, and Joris, and he;

I galloped, Dirck galloped, we galloped all three;

‘Good speed!’ cried the watch, as the gate-bolts undrew;

‘Speed!’ echoed the wall to us galloping through;

Behind shut the postern, the lights sank to rest,

And into the midnight we galloped abreast.

But, like the decorations in the Palatine Chapel, all this is phoney.  

Not a word to each other; we kept the great pace

Neck by neck, stride by stride, never changing our place;

I turned in my saddle and made its girths tight,

Then shortened each stirrup, and set the pique right,

Rebuckled the cheek-strap, chained slacker the bit,

Nor galloped less steadily Roland a whit.....

Robert Browning

He made it all up..... There was no news - there were no riders - and the mosaics and decorations are 19th and early 20th century (the stained glass is post WWII). Pshaw! 

Aachen Cathedral is Germany's first UNESCO World Heritage site and received about 1.25 million visitors in 2025, with over 5,300 guided tours.

And so why the flocking hordes of foreign bodies? Is it the cult of the man?

Or his legacy?

Europe - Cornerstone of Peace

Don't get me started.  As Tony Hancock once said, Did Magna Carta die in vain?

Forgive me whilst I slake my Wurst.....

So.  What is Aachen, and why was I here?

Aachen was Charlemagne's capital and subsequently the coronation site for 30 Holy Roman Emperors.  It is a city with a population of about 250,000 (roughly the same as Southampton or Derby), the 27th largest city in Germany, but it is the westernmost, near the borders with Belgium and the Netherlands.  It was the first city to fall to Western Allies in 1944, but was very badly damaged - though the Cathedral and the Rathaus were not destroyed.

It is a busy, friendly place.  I found that almost everyone spoke better English than me (my Deutsch is dastardly) and the atmosphere was calm and disciplined - for example, everyone waits for the green man when crossing roads, even if there is no traffic at all.....  It is also noticeable that cyclists, perhaps misguidedly eschewing helmets and lycra, adhere religiously to cycle paths instead of careering along footpaths and jumping red lights..... What is wrong with these people?

 

The Sunday morning flea market in the Katschof is a popular teeming event, though I notice a distinct absence of dogs....  Again, what are these people thinking?  

It's the same in restaurants: nowhere are their bowls of water on the floor to trip over, pots of biscuits on the counter, nor paw prints on the seats..... How can folk live like this?

Even outside the restaurants.....  Is there some kind of extreme regulation (draconian law) that has taken over the minds of ordinary citizens?  Is this what the AfD really stands for?

We are, after all, only 61 kms from Cologne, where the Odour is strictly Colonial:

Anyway, you may construdel this in your own way.....

To be honest [?? Ed.] I am here for two things.  One is arrrrt....  And in the Suermondt-Ludwig-Museum the only thing that disappoints is that the top floor is currently off limits, so I am deprived of Otto Dix and Max Liebermann et al. But alongside pictures by Cranach, Rembrandt and Zurbarán.... 

There is a wonderful collection of medieval sculpture.....

Most extraordinary, in a way, is that, while the Germans may not be best known for their sense of humour, I cannot help but be arrested by certain works on display in this otherwise sedate (and under-visited) collection. Here is Michael Triegel (born Erfurt, 1968)'s 2008 painting, Verkündigung (Annunciation)....

Perhaps I should not suggest that there is humour here, but then consider this:

The picture on the left, Portrait of a Man, 1660, by Johann Wilhelm Pottgießer:

Is a serious, traditional portrait, whereas the one on the right....

Is a 2024 photo collage, one of a series of Hidden Portraits, in which Volker Hermes (born 1972) reinterprets historical paintings through a modern lens. Using only elements from the original work, Volker visually manipulates famous Old Masters portraits, exploring expression when the face is obscured. The “Hidden Portraits” series examines the context of art as a means of representation and the relationship between image and individual.

Across town, in the Ludwig Forum für Internationale Kunst, light streams in through the windows of what was once an umbrella factory, built in 1928:

It is a marvellous space, and it houses a collection of some 3,000 artworks from the last sixty years or so, including pieces by Jeff Koons:

Jean-Michel Basquiat

And Andy Warhol and Duane Hanson:

But for me a second major attraction to Aachen lies within the Carolus Thermen complex:

Where you can swim in warm mineral waters, or relax in any of fifteen saunas and steam baths, literally stripping away all the trappings of daily life, enjoying the well-being of typical German nudity.... [No photos please....Ed.]

And then, suitably purified, I walk back through the Stadtgarten,

Sprinkle myself with Cologne:

And get back on the dance floor in the Neo-classical Elisenbrunnen pavilion (originally built in 1827 but reconstructed after WWII) where I now feel completely at home.....

There is no doubt, this is a civilised and attractive place, and I have barely scratched the surface in my furtive weekend.

The news is good here, and I shall, quite possibly, be back....

How I Brought the Good News from Aix to Ghent (or Vice Versa)

I sprang to the rollocks and Jorrocks and me,

And I galloped, you galloped, he galloped, we galloped all three…

Not a word to each other; we kept changing place,

Neck to neck, back to front, ear to ear, face to face;

And we yelled once or twice, when we heard a clock chime,

“Would you kindly oblige us, Is that the right time?”

As I galloped, you galloped, he galloped, we galloped, ye galloped, they two shall have galloped; let us trot......

ENVOI

So I sprang to a taxi and shouted “To Aix!”

And he blew on his horn and he threw off his brakes,

And all the way back till my money was spent

We rattled and rattled and rattled and rattled and rattled

And rattled and rattled—

And eventually sent a telegram.

W C Sellar and R J Yeatman

All we need is music, sweet music (sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet music)

There'll be music everywhere (everywhere)

There'll be swinging, swaying (swaying)

And records playing (playing)

Dancing in the street, oh

Marvin Gaye, William Stevenson 

and Ivy Jo Hunter

Dancing in the Street

Ode to Cologne

Tosca on the Rhine

This picture (above) doesn't show Cologne today, but does contain an early likeness of the famous cathedral, together with a popular Rhine Cruise Ship in the foreground, and the brutal martyrdom of St Ursula, who, perhaps, had upset one of the city's notorious Köbes, a disgruntled class of servants, tasked with dispensing  Kölsch, a frothy, acidic excuse for beer that is inflicted on indigenes and unsuspecting wanderers alike... 

The image does not show the railway station....

This picture (below) shows the cathedral in a more modern aspect, with building site in the foreground, and later towers in addition.  Shot through the coarse muslin drapes of the wonderful Wolfman Rothfisch Museyroom (I suspect that's not the name, but this is not supposed to be accurate.....)

I try not to travel with preconceptions, as these inevitably lead to disappointment (and weigh down your hand baggage), but it is Bill Nighy impossible to voyage without some scepticism.... So I thought perhaps that Cologne would be a little old school, somewhat sedate, not without charm, shall we say?

But no!  This is Brühl.   On the outer garments of the colonial city, and in a moderate condition of health, given the times (our times, hard times....)

{By the way, a native of this suburb was Max Ernst, and the much improved Neo-classical Benediktusheim here is a very fine museyroom indeed.....}

Separately, in Bonn (one time capital of the West) we see them film Meggie Merkhel (some mistake? Ed?) arriving at the Rathaus.  A seventeen stone minder asks politely through gritted moustache whether I am Presse, but I refuse all royalties and recognise no one.

And then, in Aachen, or Aches le Chapeau as I think I hear it described, I see the eternal struggle of mankind enacted in the sulphurous confines of the central gardens....

And then kneel in awe of the extreme ceiling where Charles the Great (Charles Le Mange, or Karl Der Mango) was born/created/christened/married/crowned/died/buried..... [I said this wasn't a guide book....]

Back in Cologne the natives are unimpressed....  [Try hugging this hoodie, Davie....]

But there are reminders of how great it was [once upon a reich] to spur and boot.....

Though it is much more Adidas these days....

Then, as a treat, Tom Owen, principal oboe with The Gürzenich-Orchester Köln [Der gebürtige Engländer Tom Owen erhielt seine musikalische Ausbildung an der Purcell School of Music, an der Royal Academy of Music und an der Musikhochschule Hannover bei Klaus Becker. Bereits mit 19 Jahren gewann er den „Royal Academy of Music Oboe Prize“, dem viele weitere folgten. Er gastiert regelmäßig als Solo-Oboist bei führenden Orchestern wie dem Bayerischen Staatsorchester München, dem City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra, dem Gewandhausorchester Leipzig und der Staatskapelle Dresden]

invites us to the Köln Oper, to see Tosca, at Staatenhaus 1, in the Rheinpark.  

The opera (in Thilo Reinhardt's production, premiered here in 2012) opens in the church of San Andrea della Valle (near where I once caught my daily bus in Rome) and aerial bombardment interrupts the mass.  Deafening percussions shake the altar, and the congregation flee in fear.  

I am not sure who is bombing who, as black-shirted fascists, marshalled by a Hitler/Himmler figure - himself is in thrall to the loud and leery Scarpia (South Korean Samuel Youn, reprising his success in 2016) - soon appear to be in charge, but perhaps the native Colonials in the audience understand.  When the dark sky flashes with airborne ordnance, and your safety is blasted to ruins with the lives of your loved ones, no one knows nor cares who is triggering the bombardment.....  

It is too much to consider, but the real agents of destruction tend to be far from the front line, sitting proud in their tousled crowns, bunkered in arrogance and ignorance, pleasuring themselves at the expense of others.  Cologne was smashed out of recognition in the Second World War, and now, after nearly eighty years, it is still attempting to revive itself....

Praise be it can't happen again?

The mighty Dom rises above the Rhine, above the morass of swirling peoples.

Admired by all sorts.....

All sorts.....

None of whom (me most certainly included) would ever have the nerve to climb a true stairway to heaven, like this one.....

Back at the Oper, Tosca is brilliant.  The cast (including American Adina Aaron and Argentine José Cura) is cosmopolitan and the chorus magnificent, and the terrifying story of perfidious arrogance and abuse of power, combined with the horrifying destruction of innocence, is so frighteningly pertinent to our times that I don't notice the passage of Erdinger Weissbier, herring salad and schnapps until it is way too late to turn back......

By coincidence, Tosca has been associated in another way with Cologne since 1921, for Tosca Eau De Cologne Splash is a true German classic. Still one of the most popular fragrances in Germany today, this fragrance was first made in 1921 and has a dedicated following.

Tosca Eau De Cologne Splash possesses top notes of fern, honeysuckle and magnolia, middle notes of pink peony, peppercorns and heliotrope and finishes with base notes of amber, vanilla and magic lantern orchid.

Spicy. Fresh. Totally Tosca. 

{The original Eau de Cologne is a spirit-citrus perfume launched in Cologne in 1709 by Giovanni Maria Farina (1685–1766), an Italian perfume maker who had settled here.  The famous Eau de Cologne 4711 is named after where it was made at Glockengasse No. 4711. It was developed in the 18th century by Wilhelm Mülhens and is one of the oldest still produced fragrances in the world. On 12 December 2006, the perfumes and cosmetics company Mäurer & Wirtz took over 4711 from Procter & Gamble.}

It is night. A warm summer night in perfumed Cologne. Birds flutter above the Hohenzollernbrücke as trains rock back and forth, trundling into the dark, shaking the forty thousand or so 'Love Padlocks' shackled to the fencing

Cyclists flit by.....

Flit, flit.....

Flit, flit flit.....

And then we are startled by the latest vehicle to hit the streets of Cologne (barely two months legal here but now ubiquitous)....  An electric scooter, leading to utter confusion in the cycle lanes, 

And also on the pavements.....

And so, fortified by a small flask of Jägermeister (a digestif made with 56 herbs and spices at a strength of 35% alcohol by volume.... the flagship product of Mast-Jägermeister SE, headquartered in Wolfenbüttel) we take refuge in an underpass, amongst the spirits of Köln, past, present, and future.....

Spicy. Fresh. Totally Tosca. 

Nell'ora del dolore

perché, perché, Signore,

perché me ne rimuneri così?

Vissi d'arte

From Act 2 of Puccini's opera, Tosca

*****

For my mother

(Who loved Eau de Cologne)

*****